Advertisement: Apple-Addiction Cure Patches.

This is an ad for a product that will soon be on the market (Pictures to come soon!)

The product has one use: To help those who are addicted to buying anything with that shiny Apple logo get over their addiction, one small product at a time.
These patches are designed to be used on any product that is not Apple branded, to help the user transition from a world where the shiny Apple means everything, to a world where they live normal lives, not being singled out as either not-straight men, or overly desperate women. A life where they can be happy knowing that they didn’t just waste $1,800 on a new computer, just because of the shiny Apple logo.

The concept is quite simple and straight forward. In a package of Apple-Addiction Cure Patches, there are five Apple shaped shiny patches. (There are two sizes, one for computer equipment, and one for mobile devices).
The patches have an extremely simple use, available in “addiction levels” varying from 1 to 5. Let me run through each level.
Level 5: Extreme addiction. Longest lasting of the Patches. (1-2 Months per patch)
Level 1: Minor addiction. Shortest lasting of the Patches. (3-5 Days per patch).
* Patches may last more or less time. These times are based on average usage of device with patch.

How do they work?
Simple. You stick the patch on any device you wish, possibly over your Dell logo, or the MSFT Zune logo. Now you’ve got a fancy shiny “Apple” logo on there. Then the real magic happens. The longer you use the device with said Patch, the fainter and fainter the patch becomes, until suddenly… It’s not there. You don’t even realize it at first. It’s just one day you look at your laptop as you take it out of your bag, and that little Apple logo is gone. You’ve been using it for weeks without the logo and nothing happened. You haven’t gotten e-AIDS yet, you now have friends… All the while you were wondering why you were feeling so much better about life.

Congratulations! You now can live a normal, Apple-free life, complete with friends, family, and normal relationships. No more “support groups” full of people who all use Apple products and need to tell each other that their Apple products are good, and that those issues that everyone is experiencing will be patched with the next software update.

Enjoy life.

(These items will be going on sale starting Tomorrow: 4-1-2011.)


About Author
Someone who feels the need to help others using the information that I have discovered. If someone else finds it useful, I'm more than happy to have helped.

2 Responses to Advertisement: Apple-Addiction Cure Patches.

  1. Chris says:

    Great idea! I need one of these for my friend! Too bad it is a April Fools joke.

    • pizzaboy192 says:

      In all honesty, It is extremely plausable. I just need to develop a bio-degradable “Apple” logo… and an adhesive.

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