HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!


I think PC’s for Dummies says it best:

Common Bribes for Computer People
Those who love diddling with computer are an odd lot. In addition to thanking them when they help you, consider offering a treat every so often. That way, you dupe them into believing that they’re not being abused.

Forget about giving your computer gurus money or software programs for their favors. Instead, consider the following foodstuffs:

  • Any Mexican or Thai prepackaged prepared foodstuffs with a nearly all-red thermometer on the side of the box.
  • Anything made by Hostess – Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Fruit Pies (especially the ones with pudding in them), and so on. The Dolly Madison line of snack cakes is also OK but only when Hostess is unavailable.
  • Doritos – preferably nacho-cheese flavored.
  • M&Ms – the 2-pound package. You get bonus points if you pick out all the brown ones.
  • Oreos with Double Stuff. More stuff. More cholesterol. Computer people like that.
  • Cheetos. This prize is the primary reason that computer nerds have yellow stuff between their teeth.
  • That 4-pound bag of fortune cookies you see at Sam’s Club.
  • Doughnuts. Don’t be afraid to offer a computer person a stale doughnut. In fact, banging a doughnut on the table is one of the ways most computer people wake each other up in the afternoon.
  • Ritz crackers and peanut butter, a.k.a. Ritz Bits. Sometimes, just giving computer people a 4-pound tub of generic peanut butter is best. Hand it to them along with a butter knife – but turn away quickly.
  • Jolt Cola – all the caffeine and twice the sugar. (Another favorite beverage is Diet Coke; for the most part, computer zanies don’t drink much beer.)
  • Pizza – perhaps the ultimate choice. Slide a pizza under your guru’s door if you fear to venture inside.

TIP: Avoid giving healthy food, although all-natural potato chips are OK. Steer clear of vegetables or anything green (except for M&Ms). Meat is OK, if you want to fix dinner for your gurus. But don’t ask them how they want it (the answer is usually raw).

The jury is still out on Olestra.

WARNING: The author and publisher of this book will not be held responsible for any health conditions that may result from this diet. Further, if you decide to throw a party and serve this junk, please display this book proudly or at least mention is in a favorable way.

I’m not working today, so expect me to try and get some stuff crossed off my To-Do list.

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About Author
Someone who feels the need to help others using the information that I have discovered. If someone else finds it useful, I'm more than happy to have helped.

One Response to HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

  1. good stuff there. genius.

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